I rarely wear makeup, but in the last 6 months or so, I’ve become obsessed with buying makeup, trying different types of makeup, googling makeup looks and what goes well with my eye color, etc. It’s like I’m getting sucked into this obsession with perfecting my appearance, both through losing weight and now with also obsessively wearing makeup (even though I only ever do eye makeup and maybe lips or concealer under my eyes). No matter what I do or try or put on my face, I can never manage to make myself beautiful. But I keep trying and trying and the amount I’ve spent on new makeups in the last week alone is astonishing to me 🙄
Anyone else also develop a makeup obsession along with the ED as a means of trying to be beautiful?
I’m at the point where I’m having to hide my weight loss. People at church are commenting about how I’ve lost too much and I’m scared that they’re going to give me some sort of intervention. I know that I don’t have to go to treatment unless I voluntarily sign myself in because I’m an adult (as opposed to the 4 years of high school I was forced to go to treatment/hospital), but that fear is still there somewhere in the back of my mind. Guess I have to be more careful and bundle up even more than I have been lately.
Do you think this is a pretty sight? This is the reality of having anorexia for 12+ years. The reality of what eating disorders can do to your body.
When I was in high school and then in college getting my bachelors degree, I spent more time in hospitals and treatment centers than I did out of them.
And then I found out
My organs failed. Permanently.
Last year, I needed major surgery that took about 4 HOURS, and after that I was admitted to the hospital for a week on heavy pain medications, being wheeled around because I couldn’t walk.
I had tubes everywhere.
I had to medically withdraw from graduate school because I had to spend that time in doctors offices, infusion centers for IVs, in the ER, or admitted into the hospital.
Now I have a 6 inch scar across my abdomen and will be on medications for the rest of my life to help my heart and stomach function enough to keep me alive.
I’ve nearly died multiple times from the ED, but I had never believed that my organs could shut down and leave me to deal with that reality for the rest of my life.
That is not a way anyone should have to live life.
This is what an eating disorder looks like. Not the “thinspo” everyone sees on the Internet. This is what you don’t see behind those pictures and it’s not pretty.
random asks as requested: what's your favorite or one of your favorite best friend memories from any time in your life? - how are you teeth? has your ed damaged your teeth? did you have braces, did you have good or bad teeth to begin with? - what, if any, kind of jewelry do you wear/do you have any special jewelry? only answer what you feel like of course. i just try to think of what i'd have fun answering idk what i'm doing. i really hope you feel better and avoid the sucky ER. <3
Thank you for the random asks!! It really helps me stay distracted :)
what’s your favorite or one of your favorite best friend memories from any time in your life? My boyfriend took me to New Orleans for my birthday this past year and I had such a great time. I consider him one of my best friends, so this counts, right? Hahah
how are you teeth? has your ed damaged your teeth? I don’t purge, so my teeth haven’t been damaged too badly (I don’t think?) I do vomit a lot from my gastroparesis, so that might have damaged the enamel somewhat.
did you have braces, did you have good or bad teeth to begin with? I’ve never had braces.
what, if any, kind of jewelry do you wear/do you have any special jewelry? I AWAYS wear rings! And my boyfriend gave me a necklace of the molecular structure of serotonin that I LOVE. Although I wore it so much that it is starting to tarnish. Now I have a necklace that I wear everyday that is rose gold antlers with an opal inside of them ❤️